


share in evenings cool and quiet

by Talinor



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Cuddling, Healing, Introspection, M/M, but also not quite platonic, mild spoilers for ep 110, not super shippy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:28:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26612989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talinor/pseuds/Talinor
Summary: He doesn’t know how it started. Whether the water was always this hot, or if he simply stayed in the comforting warmth as it grew. But now he knows he’s in too deep. He’s drowning in it.And yet… he stays under the depths. He doesn’t mind it.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Eodwulf
Comments: 14
Kudos: 74





	share in evenings cool and quiet

**Author's Note:**

> cadwulf got me fucked uuup bro  
> i haven't written fic in a While, so this is rusty but it was also fun  
> is wulf ooc?? idk man it's like 3 am and i wrote this in one go 
> 
> title's from sunlight by hozier because of course it is  
> enjoy!

_Softness is weakness. Never let yourself be vulnerable, on or off the battlefield._

That was one of many lessons he’d learned, some pills tougher to swallow than others. That hadn’t been one of them for the longest time. Empathy made less noise the more it was ignored. Made the horrible things he did somewhat bearable. Some lessons he struggled with, but not that.

Until now.

He doesn’t know how it started. Whether the water was always this hot, or if he simply stayed in the comforting warmth as it grew. But now he knows he’s in too deep. He’s drowning in it.

And yet… he stays under the depths. He doesn’t mind it.

He doesn’t mind going against everything he’d been taught for the moment he found himself in. For the warmth and comfort unlike he’d ever known. A comfort not bought with compliance, but given freely. Simply because Clay for whatever reason thought he deserved it.

_You don’t,_ his mind venomously hissed. It was likely right. He’d done many terrible things. Things worth shutting off for, never thinking about it for his own sanity. For his own safety at Trent’s side.

But the safety offered by Clay was… different. There was no price, no harshness, no ulterior motive. He was kind simply for kindness’ sake.

At first, it was small gestures. Like offering a chair for him from that first dinner and every meeting beyond it. Giving him tea and listening to his critiques, improving each batch to Wulf’s tastes each time. (No one had ever remembered something so _trivial_ about him. Knew him on such a minute, yet somehow important level.)

Lately, they had more and more private discussions. Both kept a tight hold of their respective secrets, but conversation was always easy. Silence between them was never awkward grasping for topics to fill the air, but a moment to bask in the sounds surrounding them. Moments he’d never given a second thought to before Caduceus.

It was unlike anything Wulf had ever known, and he wouldn’t give it up for anything.

Softness is weakness, and he lets himself indulge in it. He doesn’t quite know how they ended up here, yet here they are: two bodies pressed close together, Caduceus’ heartbeat a steady melody in his ears and chin gently resting atop his head. Hands sculpted and trained for war rest on the firbolg’s back, and idly he considers how the slender arms reciprocating his embrace aren’t innocent either.

They’ve both sent souls back to the Matron, for their own reasons. There’s no doubt in his mind Caduceus’ reasons are more justifiable than his own. But right now there is no war to wage, no fight to engage in.

There is only a silence that settles over them like a warm blanket, and memories to lose himself in. He tries to keep them light: enjoying the Nein despite his mission to infiltrate them, his new favorite tea, the early days before…

His grip instinctively tightens despite himself as images flash in his mind. Lesson after lesson after lesson taught the hard way. The pain that made him the man he is today.

“Everything okay?” Caduceus’ voice rumbles and rouses him back to the present like the kindest earthquake. A hand moves up his back lightly.

It’s then he remembers one of his favorite things about Caduceus. What first piqued his interest.

_Pain doesn’t make people, it’s love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential. It’s love that saves them._

Those words never rung truer until this very moment.

_“Ja,”_ he assures quietly, careful with his nod. “I’m… I’m okay.” His grip relaxes. The higher hand on his back rub small, reassuring circles. Just in the way he likes.

_This man could be your enemy someday,_ a part of his mind says. _This is dangerous._

Not too long ago, he would have called that part rational. And he supposes it has the potential of truth.

But as he embraces the comfort and breathes in the smell of jasmine that surrounds him, he can only label that part foolish. Each moment spent here is a rebellion, but rebellion is far kinder than anything else he can remember. So Wulf allows himself one more welcome defiance. The ultimate vulnerability.

He slips into unconsciousness to the steady and soft lullaby in his ears, surrounded by the first person he’s allowed to make him feel small.

**Author's Note:**

> be sure to leave a comment if you enjoyed, i love getting feedback  
> my tumblr: squishy--squish


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